Where to begin.......

So I'm three+ years post divorce.
And almost four years post house contract - due to mature August 2017.
Working a job that is literally JUST A JOB
Living in a town that I haven't found many friends to play with....
My boyfriend of one year lives three hours from me...
I have custody of my son every other week...
I'm in the middle of a court case I filed to change child support and tax dependency to hopefully make things more fair....
During the school year I drive Austin to and from the bus stop and put on 700 miles/month doing so...

When people ask me how I am, it's easiest to just say "good" and leave it at that.  Cause if I dig any deeper, I get to hear "that's too bad", "that must be so hard", and those responses bring tears to my eyes.  Telling me things will get better should help me, but it really only worries me more cause I just can't see the future and that's a scary thing.

BUT my life WILL be changing in many ways next year, I just don't know how to prepare for that...

I miss my Iowa friends.  I had one SD friend and she turned out to be bat-shit crazy and a terrible back-stabbing liar.

My focus right now is getting my two credit cards paid off, one will be paid off in December, the other in February.  That will make my only true debt my car.

I'm building a savings account...and at the same time in the back of my mind I'm wondering when the lawyer will be calling asking for another retainer.  Which will bring me back to zero in savings most likely.  Round and round we go.

I'm in a constant battle with my ex over Austin's medications.

I sit at a desk in a small office and have very little social interaction.  I'm a social person that's confined, my social outlet of Facebook where I get to look at political rants, people's vacation pics, new babies, happy times, sad times, old friends that really aren't friends, just people on fb that you friend because you once had contact with them.  It's crazy how we rely on social media to keep us in touch only to feel more lonely.  At least that's how I feel sometimes.

My car is doing ok, it's 8 years old, cracked windshield, makes some noises, but it gets me from A-B and that's really all that matter.  Would I rather be driving a sweet car with no problems?  Yep.  But that's not in the cards right now, I'm focused on paying it off and storing it when I get to that point so when it's time for Austin to drive a car, my car will be up to par for him.

Am I depressed about my life?  Not really.  It could be better of course.  But it could be worse.  I have my health.  My foot/ankle like to act up sometimes and give me pain, but overall I'm pretty healthy.  I have a family and a boyfriend.  I don't see them much, but I have them.  I have an apartment, it's kinda cute and I get to share it with my kitty who is very sweet and loving and I get to share it with Austin on my weeks with him.  Those are the BEST weeks of my life.  

So it could be worse.  But it could be a million times better at the same time.

Comparison is a dangerous tool.  I use it sometimes and boy does it make me angry.  For instance, to compare my current life to Andy's current life.  He drives a brand new pickup, has a house, dogs, new furniture, so much stuff, a person to share his house with, a daughter.  How in the hell does he deserve any of that?  Seriously.  I mean that.  He doesn't.  But life isn't fair, for some at least.  

Pity party?  Maybe.  But dangit, I didn't deserve to have two miscarriages, I didn't deserve a husband that looked for couples to have sex with instead of helping me through the loss of two babies, a failed adoption process, a failed house sale.  Yes, I know he went through all of that too, but as a husband he didn't help me through any of it.  He avoided it all.  The distance between us grew further and deeper with every day.  There was no more love.  And that's when it's time to move on.

So here we are, three years later, still trying to find a way to live without challenge, to actually enjoy life.  Life is pretty routine for me, go to work, go home, eat, walk, watch tv. go to bed, start over.  Sprinkle in some texting and you have my life.  

What are my plans for the future?

Ideally this is how it would look....
I would be working at a non-desk job (13 years is more than enough)
I would be living closer to Le Mars but not in Le Mars
I would be able to travel when I want to
I would be beginning a life with my boyfriend that will make us both happy - this is the hardest one because I'm attached to Le Mars for the next 8 years while Austin finishes school

I am a planner.  I have my bills figured for the next 12 months, I am always on top of my financial situation.  I try to know what I'll be doing on the weekends weeks before they happen.  It gives me comfort and security to know what's coming up.  But at the same time, I like spontaneous events too.  I don't go places because it doesn't fit in the budget.  I rarely treat myself to anything special (clothes, nails, etc.) because I've always got my goals in mind.  Maybe I need to loosen up a tad but I'm very determined to get things arranged so when next year rolls around, I'll be ready for whatever happens.

I plan to move from Vermillion next July or August.  I will quit my job.  New beginnings, better times are coming.  God-willing, I will be on the right track next year.